The story of the walk around the pond

Two people, lovers, or brother and sister, walking.

I'll never leave this day.

And moments where, during all the battles with the dragons, they pause and look out.

He is fighting to return to that moment, when everything is quiet.

She's screaming to him, to calm his mind, and all he can hear are dragons and lightning.

And he focuses on the calm water.

Sometimes he's distracted, but sometimes, he can envision it perfectly.

Is this what it was like when Obwanted to picture Penelope, waiting faithfully for him to come home from the wars?

A vague figure in a dream

I had a dream I went back.

I turned the corner and saw the door.  (It was 2 floors, he always had more space than he let on about)

I was seized with an idea that it was not where I lived anymore.

And I turned around and was lost on how to find where i did live.

And I heard a noise, that meant you had gone down the hall and left.  Hiding from me.  And the world.

You are just a shadow to me.  Even in my dreams.  I wonder about the conversations we never had.  Never resolved.

I am glad I escaped.

Schedule picture

This single paper tells the story of the store in a week.

Don't worry that you can't read it, the font is too tiny, even if you had a telescope.

In later days, headlines would be made when a chain decides to give workers regular hours, and notice of when they are called to work.  For those who are burdened by childcare.  For those who need to plan for their second and third jobs.

Dear god, don't ever forget.

Surprise

Library 5 am

Checks!!

$1520

Yesterday was my Dad's birthday & I opened up a checking account.

$750 for "The Three of Us"

And the rest is my past few WEEKS at 2 different jobs!! Jazz at Lincoln Center.
And yes, Starbucks.

The room is Actors Work Program!

You Are Missed

I invited you to speak.

Sent an email to your Dad.
A text to your Mom.

Last Day/4Months til the Wedding!!

2nd Night in a Row, Babysitting

So I nearly made myself cry this afternoon (for the first time in a while).

Your father asked if I could babysit (AGAIN) tonight.  A thought flashed across my mind, "Maybe he's planning a surprise party for me?  Wants to make sure I'm home?"

Both he & her ("My dad and them") arrived home, leisurely, ready to go out & be on their OWN time.  I spoke a sentence or two, then left.  They have NO interest in carrying on a conversation with me.  Maybe they don't know how to open up (poor kid) or focus on people other than themselves.

And tonight, at 8:45pm, he texts me.  Not "Is he asleep?" Tell him goodnight, or anything sweet like that. "I won't be home by 9. Can you turn off the clock?"  Simple, awful.  I want to stop paying you and I want to stay out with my girlfriend.  On a Tuesday night. No surprise there.

I'll say no in the future, because it will be weird to babysit in my old house (although I'll want to see how they've ruined my room.  The green couch, etc)

==
We had fun tonight.  I, in a fit of optimism and revenge of the Nice People, decided to give them a surprise & go to the 99 cent store with you.  We bought stuff for their 4 month countdown. $12 (people should be THRILLED to get my $10 surprise parties!!)
(I'm ONLY hanging around people like that from now on!!)

Coloring & sign making, and I drew a person, a cardboard cutout. (Hope they don't think it's me and burn me in effigy) then we made green bracelets, I got confused at first, but then caught up (you were impressed, "Go Tammy!")

Then you made a salad with your OWN salad dressing (GREEN lettuce! and mustard & oil & vinegar) then I made you an egg & we watched some of the Wrath of Khan (my first time!  Ricardo Montelban's plastic chest!  Cuban accent-like Ricky Ricardo) then I read a few chapters of "Indian in the Cupboard" (my greatest wish is to be given TIME & SPACE to write a long story like that!!)  You begged, but I made you go to bed by 8:40, when you were supposed to be in bed by 8!  Last night, your Mom called at 8:30.  You love her.

I love you.  I wish I could be there for you more.  And in the future.  I don't know what will happen....

Mousetraps & Green Couch

Leaning Tower of Pizza!!

Rainy Night Games

I'm waiting in the living room for you to set up the boxes!!

Rainy Night Games

I'm waiting in the living room for you to set up the boxes!!

Fun with boxes!!

Spring Morning

Window, evening light