Dear Neighbor,
Which we barely are. I had wanted to be friends, saw a shared experience of enchantment laid out before us. Warm, laughing pizza nights and afternoon walks. And excellent conversations.
Thank you for telling me that you are Bipolar. When I found out in September, I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. To cut you some slack. But now, I have found that EVERYTHING has been rationalizations on my part.
I have never tried harder to be friends with anyone. Gentle and generous. Willing to silently be there. And I thought I was reading you well. Well enough anyway. (Even at this moment, I have no sense if you are in a better phase now, or if you have always been fine.)
I just realize that I have been giving this entire time. And you have given me nothing. At first, I said it was fine that it was emails. And then you didn't have to give me presents back, but I could give art and just accept your appreciation. INvite you to places, without expecting an invitation back. Even though I knew you had the pizza thing. Or coffee.
How you are in denial.
(I will now step away. I wrote the above after coffee & before a proper meal. I took a nap and now feel completely calm -despite hearing that the terrorists were planning to drive (from Watertown to Times Square) and do more bombing)
Goodbye again. Best of everything to you, but I don't believe we want the same things out of a friendship. I want someone who wants to enjoy me for who I am, especially in person. And a person who makes an effort to care/check in on my mental health.
Which we barely are. I had wanted to be friends, saw a shared experience of enchantment laid out before us. Warm, laughing pizza nights and afternoon walks. And excellent conversations.
Thank you for telling me that you are Bipolar. When I found out in September, I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. To cut you some slack. But now, I have found that EVERYTHING has been rationalizations on my part.
I have never tried harder to be friends with anyone. Gentle and generous. Willing to silently be there. And I thought I was reading you well. Well enough anyway. (Even at this moment, I have no sense if you are in a better phase now, or if you have always been fine.)
I just realize that I have been giving this entire time. And you have given me nothing. At first, I said it was fine that it was emails. And then you didn't have to give me presents back, but I could give art and just accept your appreciation. INvite you to places, without expecting an invitation back. Even though I knew you had the pizza thing. Or coffee.
How you are in denial.
(I will now step away. I wrote the above after coffee & before a proper meal. I took a nap and now feel completely calm -despite hearing that the terrorists were planning to drive (from Watertown to Times Square) and do more bombing)
Goodbye again. Best of everything to you, but I don't believe we want the same things out of a friendship. I want someone who wants to enjoy me for who I am, especially in person. And a person who makes an effort to care/check in on my mental health.
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