Exploring your feelings through art . . .
If we were talking (that is, if you asked me to coffee), I would talk about this article.
http://theater.nytimes.com/2009/11/12/theater/12greeks.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
About how soldiers attend a reading of Sophocles (who was a General, did you know that? I just found out. WOW.) and how it helps them to begin talking about issues. Especially those who have trouble with talk therapy, and those, whom I would guess, have trouble discussing their own feelings.
Because there's also a movie I want to bring up. About a main character, who has just come out of a mental health facility, and who is bipolar. (Silver Linings Playbook). The female character is in mourning for her husband who died. And she's a little wacky too, but not completely diagnosed.
When they first meet, they have an incredibly open and honest conversation about their medications and issues they are working on. There was an interview with the director (whose son has mental health issues) and Lopate was saying how both characters have issues relating to society.
I think I was expecting you to keep talking.
I was so glad to see someone who could peel back the mask we all wear (especially in NYC). I peeled mine back as well. And I don't like doing that.
I liked who I saw behind your mask.
I miss him.
I still get mad and frustrated and bored and annoyed and lonely and bitter towards you for being so quiet. (Sorry, that's me being a person. And wanting to expect things from you. Wanting so badly to have you show yourself again.)
Shrug.
Most of the time, I just picture everything in hibernation. You are up on a shelf like a teddy bear. (A teddy bear that came to life once upon a time). I can't expect magic to happen just because I work very hard wishing for it. There's something about patience.
I'm still here.
And I guess I'll wait until you want to reach out. However long that takes. Maybe Spring (it's -4 out right now, in this true January). Maybe when your new meds even you out. Maybe after this Depression lifts. Or maybe never. (Maybe you are making me the bad guy, or are mad that I responded to you the last time you were in a manic phase, or maybe you've just forgotten about me. Whatever)
I, myself, am doing well. (Emotionally, anyway). Keeping myself busy with projects to take over the world. The good kind of tired that comes from working hard. (Applying for gigs too) When the weather is just above freezing, I go out and listen to music (although not tonight, I can't bear to go outside!!!). Usually I go with friends. I try to keep a good balance of alone time and people time.
(I try not to write to you too much. It confuses me. Sometimes I want you to try harder. Sometimes I know you can't. Or you don't want to. Or whatever. I just know that I don't want to send you letters, not knowing how you'll react to them at all. If you'll like them, or just delete them or if they would make you feel terrible somehow. So I'll just keep talking to you here.)
Just so you know I haven't forgotten about you.
(I haven't done a book or anything for you in a long time. Maybe for R's Mom. I need to do something for someone, or for myself. Art takes the place of actual emotion)
If we were talking (that is, if you asked me to coffee), I would talk about this article.
http://theater.nytimes.com/2009/11/12/theater/12greeks.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
About how soldiers attend a reading of Sophocles (who was a General, did you know that? I just found out. WOW.) and how it helps them to begin talking about issues. Especially those who have trouble with talk therapy, and those, whom I would guess, have trouble discussing their own feelings.
Because there's also a movie I want to bring up. About a main character, who has just come out of a mental health facility, and who is bipolar. (Silver Linings Playbook). The female character is in mourning for her husband who died. And she's a little wacky too, but not completely diagnosed.
When they first meet, they have an incredibly open and honest conversation about their medications and issues they are working on. There was an interview with the director (whose son has mental health issues) and Lopate was saying how both characters have issues relating to society.
I think I was expecting you to keep talking.
I was so glad to see someone who could peel back the mask we all wear (especially in NYC). I peeled mine back as well. And I don't like doing that.
I liked who I saw behind your mask.
I miss him.
I still get mad and frustrated and bored and annoyed and lonely and bitter towards you for being so quiet. (Sorry, that's me being a person. And wanting to expect things from you. Wanting so badly to have you show yourself again.)
Shrug.
Most of the time, I just picture everything in hibernation. You are up on a shelf like a teddy bear. (A teddy bear that came to life once upon a time). I can't expect magic to happen just because I work very hard wishing for it. There's something about patience.
I'm still here.
And I guess I'll wait until you want to reach out. However long that takes. Maybe Spring (it's -4 out right now, in this true January). Maybe when your new meds even you out. Maybe after this Depression lifts. Or maybe never. (Maybe you are making me the bad guy, or are mad that I responded to you the last time you were in a manic phase, or maybe you've just forgotten about me. Whatever)
I, myself, am doing well. (Emotionally, anyway). Keeping myself busy with projects to take over the world. The good kind of tired that comes from working hard. (Applying for gigs too) When the weather is just above freezing, I go out and listen to music (although not tonight, I can't bear to go outside!!!). Usually I go with friends. I try to keep a good balance of alone time and people time.
(I try not to write to you too much. It confuses me. Sometimes I want you to try harder. Sometimes I know you can't. Or you don't want to. Or whatever. I just know that I don't want to send you letters, not knowing how you'll react to them at all. If you'll like them, or just delete them or if they would make you feel terrible somehow. So I'll just keep talking to you here.)
Just so you know I haven't forgotten about you.
(I haven't done a book or anything for you in a long time. Maybe for R's Mom. I need to do something for someone, or for myself. Art takes the place of actual emotion)
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